Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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