so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
