she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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