all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
