Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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