I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
