My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
