When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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