Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
