do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
