I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
