i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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