i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
