Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
