Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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