Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
