At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
