Whod you bang
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
