i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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