Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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