10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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