Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
