mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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