im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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