What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
