He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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