im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
