so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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