It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
