she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
