let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
