Small penises have feelings too.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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