In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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