ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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