He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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