her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
