wakey wakey hands off snakey
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
