I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
