whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
