I cannot find my penis.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
