so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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