I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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