Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
