Nicole vs. Life
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
