Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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