Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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