Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
