My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
