Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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