UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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