yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We got so high we made milksteak
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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